Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
