Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
