Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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