so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
