So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
