Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
