First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
