maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
