I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
