tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
