Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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