No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize