you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
