Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
