I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
