True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize