can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
