I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
