i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
