They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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