oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
