Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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