look no pants
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
