We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
