Umm I'm too high to move.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
