This girl is more easily done than said...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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