just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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