Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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