I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
