Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
