I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this just has baby written all over it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
