i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
