i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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