The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
