Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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