maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
