why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
