go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
