I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think i have two assholes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
