conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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