im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
