her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
