Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
