i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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