Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
