I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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