I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize