Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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