I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
