I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
