I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
