I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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