take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
