i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize