I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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