and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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