Don't make out with my wife yet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
