FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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