I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found your dick twin last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
