She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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