i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
