i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
