I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
