Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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