I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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