i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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