even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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