Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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