i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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