btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
