Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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