You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
