I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We left an ass print on the piano.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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