Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Randomize
