I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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