guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
