im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
