i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
