You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
