I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
