Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
