so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
