If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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