I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
