Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
