i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
