We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
