At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
