Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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