I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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