I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you traded sex for a burrito?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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