No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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