hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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