chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
