Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
