i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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