Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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