Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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