i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
