i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
