I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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