I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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