what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
