If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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